Star rhetoric hits overdrive, nearly kills man

I don't like it when my head explodes. It's inconvenient and also means I'm dead, or close to it. This whole experience I've renamed "pulling a Sharon" as it's the most un-PC (no, not THE P.C.'s!) handle I can think of and should mightily upset some poor unsuspecting soul looking for an update.

Nevertheless, I came as close as possible to Pulling a Sharon this morning when I read the Toronto Star's latest editorial: Canada would be a different nation. I challenge you to find a more reckless piece of journalism today.

1st point of glaring stupidity...mild headache

While it is impossible to foresee all the issues a new Conservative government might face in the future, or predict how it might address them, we can look back in time at some of the significant national issues this country has faced in recent years, and we can say with some confidence how the Tories would have dealt with them.

Huh? Did I just read that? How can you say that? On what grounds do you have to say that? Pandora's Box Alert! Pandora's Box Alert! Shall we look back at past Liberal stances then compare them to the future? Missile defense...hello! Am I in this line!

2nd point of glaring stupidity...more of a migraine

Canada would be a less progressive society. It is hard to imagine Harper would have named a progressive pioneer, such as Madam Justice Rosalie Abella, to the Supreme Court. And a Conservative government would not have passed a law allowing same-sex couples to marry in Canada. Rather, many Conservatives would have pushed for a far more restrictive abortion law, and for tougher pornography laws.

OK, now you've done it. I can feel the veins throbbing. Speculating baselessly on judicial appointments? 100% no gay marriage? Abortion laws? They are literally just making stuff up here. Hey, here's something. If the Liberals WEREN'T in power, Quebec might not be on the brink of another referendum!

3rd point of glaring stupidity...feeling numbness

Canada's rich-poor gap would be more pronounced. In the 2004 election, the Conservatives vowed to give Canadians the lowest taxes in the world...

Um, I don't mean to be a stickler here, but how about talking about what the Conservatives will do IN THIS ELECTION. What about Liberal promises in previous campaigns? Don't make me drag out some kooky Wilfred Laurier stance!

4th point of glaring stupidity...call 911!

Society itself would be less progressive. The rich-poor gap would likely be wider.

OK. Now you're just repeating yourself. You guys should really read this excellent columnist. I think her name is Chantal Hebert. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, maybe, if...God-damn, this paper has no decency.

I need some Advil.

GL